rodney dangerfield one liners

Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! I asked my wife if she saw who it was. The knife had butter on it.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 37. And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass. We hope you enjoy this website. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 40. “My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 16. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Also read these hilarious Steven Wright quotes that will bust your sides open. Jack Roy (born Jacob Rodney Cohen; November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004), popularly known by the stage name Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author.He was known for his self-deprecating one-liner humor, his catchphrase "I get no respect!" I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 8. I know I’m ugly. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. The quotes below are the ones Rodney Dangerfield said while playing the character of Al Czervik. Nobody was home. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 45. Rodney Dangerfield One Liners Almost Makes Johnny Carson Fall Out His Chair Laughing. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 5. “Doctor, every morning I get up, look in the mirror and feel like throwing up; what’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know But your eyesight is perfect.”. He was a very special comic. Caddyshack Rodney Dangerfield (Al Czervik): Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. It’s tough to stay married. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. A girl showed up. Rodney Dangerfield was, at one time, one of the most famous (also infamous) comedians in the world. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. They had a custody fight over me. His most notable catchphrase was “I don’t get no respect!” on which most of his jokes were based on. My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. Comedian Rodney Dangerfield's One-Liners AP ^ | 10/06/04 Posted on 10/06/2004 12:56:21 PM PDT by nypokerface. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. But he pulled through. Required fields are marked *. 1 Hey, doll. The humor of Rodney Dangerfield became widely known when he was invited to The Ed Sullivan Show in the late 60’s to perform his standup act which triggered more invitations to perform to bigger audiences and famous venues in glitzy Las Vegas. I’m so ugly, one time I stuck my head out the window. I figured, let my wife come on. Everyone hasn’t met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 11. We used to sleep six in one bed. But he knows he can’t.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 35. My attempt at a Rodney Dangerfield-style joke: I tell ya, I get no respect. I came from a real tough neighborhood. I had a date with a girl, I waited two hours at the corner. These Rodney Dangerfield quotes are still popular even after the famed comedian has been gone for more than a decade. Nobody was home.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 34. He said I was being ridiculous. They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch. “At twenty, a man is full of fight and hope. April (1) March (1) February (1) January (6) 2007 (37) December (5) November (6) October (6) September (6) August (6) July (3) June (4) Al Bundy One Liners, Part 1; Rodney Dangerfield Famous One Liners There’s nobody home.’ I went over. – Rodney Dangerfield. “I say ‘no’ to drugs. "So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. “I had plenty of pimples as a kid. A sampling of comedian Rodney Dangerfield's one-liners: Oct. 5, 2004, Joke of the Day on Dangerfield's Web site: "I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, ‘no’.” – Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney Dangerfield’s fame also earned him movie deals including “Caddyshack” in 1980 where he starred with Bill Murray and Chevy Chase. We bestow Rodney Dangerfield one-liners on you, so you can burst out laughing and share this happiness with others too! Whether it be through one of his sarcastic jabs or an appearance on late night television, Rodney has been making people laugh out loud for years! He gave early breaks to now well-known comedians and actors including Jim Carrey, Tim Allen, Roseanne Barr, Jerry Seinfeld, and Sam Kinison. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield. The kid didn’t help me at all. Your email address will not be published. He left behind millions of smiles all over the world. My wife is never nice. These funny Rodney Dangerfield jokes and one-liners are some of the comedian's best material. On my street, the kids take hubcaps … from moving cars.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 4. Rodney Dangerfield (Al Czervik): Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. “For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 3. I said to her I already did. See more ideas about comedians, humor, one liner. … What’s wrong with me?’ He said, ‘I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect. “I came from a real tough neighborhood. “When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, ‘I’m very sorry. My dog found out we look alike. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. Now I drink in front of a mirror.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 44. The following one-liners are from the Rodney Dangerfield and Henny Youngman. The prince of one-liners, the legend Rodney Dangerfield, started his career with an unusual catchphrase, “I don’t get no respect.” Most of his jokes were based on this catchphrase derived from a discussion when he once overheard some guys while they were talking about respect. Arguably one of the most influential comedians of our time, and founder of Dangerfields in New York, Rodney Dangerfield is notorious for his one-liners. I got his bill; I had to sell my car. I knew he wasn’t a professional. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Why, every time I shut the window, I hurt somebody’s fingers.”, 38. Why, they stole my towel!” – Rodney Dangerfield, 2. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m very sorry. “I told my wife the truth. “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 30. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control. Do you have any other quotes to add? And sometimes, when life is not as perfect as we all wish it should be, it doesn’t hurt to laugh at our unfavorable situations, brush them off and move along. I know I’m ugly. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 22. :) drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 30, 2010: Hey, cm, you are a true fan. Keep the jokes and humor respectful and dignified and funny. “My wife’s not too smart. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. I tell my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!'" I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.” ― … '” – Rodney Dangerfield, 24. “We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. rick55. I said to my wife “How about some oral sex?” so she spit on me…, Your email address will not be published. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. The standup comedian’s humor was generally focused on self-deprecation and making fun of family life which earned him a loyal and appreciative audience since he started entertaining clubs and comedy bars in the 60’s in New York. A sampling of comedian Rodney Dangerfield's one-liners: Oct. 5, 2004, Joke of the Day on Dangerfield's Web site: "I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I said “Are you Louise?” She said, “Are you Rodney?” I said, “Yeah.” She said, “I’m not Louise.”. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. I bought a cemetery plot. I could tell that my parents hated me. One day I fell asleep in the library. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. He said okay, you’re ugly too. and his monologues on that theme. My old man was a workaholic: every time he thought about work, he got drunk. Rodney Dangerfield is a stand-up comedian who is well-known for starring in American hit comedies, Caddyshack and Back to School.. And I say, “Hey, Dalai Lama, hey, how about a little something,… Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 6. These two were the masters of the one-liner. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.I know I’m ugly. My doctor told me he’ll have me on my feet in two weeks. “There’s only one thing wrong with my wife’s face – it shows.” – Rodney Dangerfield. One day I fell asleep in the library. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Here Are Some Of The Best Animated Disney Movies, The Catchiest Pop Songs From The Early 2000’s You’ll Want To Repeat, The Best 80s Movies To Stream This Weekend. “Life is just a bowl of pits.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 42. '” – Rodney Dangerfield, 14. Rodney Dangerfield Jokes – Best One Liners. “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Even after his sad demise at the age of 83 in 2004, Rodney remains to be loved, respected, and honored by many as the best comedian of his time. ___ “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He is not with us anymore, but he will always be in our hearts! .. My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. '” – Rodney Dangerfield, 25. “I have nothing but troubles with my car. My parents got divorced. He said okay, you're ugly too. “On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 47. “I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. My wife lit it. My wife, she loves vacations. Whether it be through one of his sarcastic jabs or an appearance on late night television, Rodney has been making people laugh out loud for years! Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. It’s not a word. He was right. “My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. We are jotting down some of his gut-busting one-liners (we had a hard time laughing on them! I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? He said, “No drinking in the house.” I had two brothers who died of thirst. “The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 27. He said he wanted more proof. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. Always Wife Day. The cashier says ‘Do you want a bag, or are you gonna eat it here?’. I had plenty of pimples as a kid. “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. Caddyshack Rodney Dangerfield (Al Czervik): Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid. I went to a massage parlor.. I got up this morning … put a shirt on and a button fell off. “I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 13. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know kid, there are so many places they can hide.”, I went to see my doctor. He left behind millions of smiles all over the world. Here are 50 of Rodney Dangerfield’s famous quotes and one-liners from his days as an actor and comedian which won the hearts of his fans. Sep 7, 2017 - Explore Michael Contreras's board "Rodney Dangerfield" on Pinterest. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. Me Control Birth. What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. Share Followers 1. “One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 48. '” – Rodney Dangerfield, 33. Rodney Dangerfield’s Best One Liners. Rodney Dangerfield one-liners Rodney Dangerfield one-liners. I bought a cemetery plot. She said, ‘No, but I did get the license number. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. “When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 49. She went twice. “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Most of them are drunks. 50 Rodney Dangerfield Quotes and Famous One-Liners 1. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 15. “I went to see my doctor. We've created informative articles that you can come back to again and again when you have questions or want to learn more! I tell ya, when I was a kid I had it rough. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. Oh when I was a kid, I got no respect. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. If there’s anything we can remember well about the 80’s, it’s the prevalent scene that Rodney Dangerfield established in American comedy. “My uncle’s dying wish: He wanted me on his lap. “Marriage. 1. These cookies do not store any personal information. “What a dog I got. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. I told my wife the truth. By rick55, March 25 in The Water Cooler Chat Room. “I came from a … I asked my wife last night, “Were you faking it?” She said, “No, I was really sleeping.”. Reply to this topic; Start new topic; Recommended Posts. Why, they stole my towel!” – Rodney Dangerfield 2. “My wife is always trying to get rid of me. Then we met. Know your audience. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. My wife just broke up with her boyfriend.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 17. Arguably one of the most influential comedians of our time, and founder of Dangerfields in New York, Rodney Dangerfield is notorious for his one-liners. Why Is It So Hard To Take Your Own Advice? Don’t forget to also check out our list of Ron Swanson quotes as well as these Dave Chappelle quotes that are hilarious and insightful. We call him Egypt. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. He told me to go over to the leopard and play connect the dots. Last night, my wife said she … Carson was a master of featuring his guests to their highest potential. 41. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 36. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Last night he went on the paper four times – three of those times I was reading it. I said to … “Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. It was not just in his words, but also in his expressions and the way he said it. No respect, I tell ya I don’t get no respect! I went to the hardware store to buy some rat poison. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 23. Since then, the signature Rodney Dangerfield quotes and one-liners have become staples for standup comedy fans. Rodney Dangerfield. It was self-service. 21. We’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 28. I tell ya my old man was strict. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 26. When I took my first step, my old man tripped me. “My wife has to be the worst cook. Then we met. We call him Egypt. LOS ANGELES Rodney Dangerfield, the bug-eyed comic whose self-deprecating one-liners brought him stardom in clubs, television and movies and made his lament "I don't get no respect" a catchphrase, I tell ya with girls, I don’t get no respect. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. Yeah. “My mother had morning sickness after I was born.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 18. What a delight, thanks for bringing Rodney Dangerfield the prince of one liners to us. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 7. “I drink too much. In my house, we pray after we eat.” – Rodney Dangerfield. Last night she told me, “I wanna go someplace I’ve never been before.” I took her to a men’s room. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. “Once, somebody stole our car. No one showed up. It was not just in his words, but also in his expressions and the way he said it. Nobody was home. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.”. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)...right to your inbox. Remember to also read these funny John Mulaney quotes that will make your day better. Then we met!” – Rodney Dangerfield, 20. I tell ya, when I was a kid I got no respect. I miss him and his rapid-fire jokes, too. I didn’t know what it was like to sleep alone until I got married. “Boy what a hotel that was. We did everything we could. I’m so ugly my mother had morning sickness…AFTER I was born. What a childhood I had. Posted March 25. rick55. Copyright © Entertainism & Buzzle.com, Inc. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless! He said he wanted more proof.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 10. I tell ya, when I was a kid, my old man never liked me. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? “Some dog I got too. It was a light-bulb moment for him, and he caught on to it making some hilarious jokes about himself and the people in his life. Home / General A-K / Celebrity / Rodney Dangerfield One-Liners Rodney Dangerfield One-Liners Story Editor February 4, 2012 Celebrity , Dialogue , Happiness , Humor , … With my old man I got no respect. Who are the best ’90s television characters of all time. She won a trip for two to Las Vegas. I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’” – Rodney Dangerfield, 50. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 9. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Let us know in the comment section below. See more ideas about quotes, one liner, humor. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. “My marriage is on the rocks again. He took me to the zoo. When I was a kid, I got lost. Rodney Dangerfield, one of the best comedians we know of, can make you roll in aisles with his humor! “Boy what a hotel that was. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 39. 31. I said to her I already did. Rodney Dangerfield, one of the best comedians we know of, can make you roll in aisles with his humor! Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 12. He wants to reform the world. They wouldn’t even look for me. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a finger to my father. It’s a sentence.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 43. Self Assessment Is The #1 Factor for Your Growth, Being Misunderstood is all Part of the Journey, Imposter Syndrome & What You Can Do About It. *(Alka-Seltzer is an antacid and pain reliever.). Which of these Rodney Dangerfield quotes and lines is your favorite? I tell my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney Dangerfield delivered so many jokes that night, Carson had to break for commercials. “I have good looking kids. The police charged me for mooning. I enjoyed him and all the great laughs. Dangerfield was a skilled comedian and a master of the one-liner, and commanded great respect from his peers in comedy and younger comedians he encouraged. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. Some dog I got too. One-liners are great at a "Roast" retirement party. Rodney Dangerfield: The Man of a 1001 One liners! “For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.” – Rodney Dangerfield 3. I tell ya, my family. If you have a concern that the line might offend anyone, don't use it. On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. ‘Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror… I feel like throwing up. I told her our kids were spoiled. “Yeah, I know I’m ugly. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. Once on my birthday, my old man gave me a bat. Member; 3,598 posts; Gender: interfremd; Location: ct; He killed himself. He was in the electric chair.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 19. * It’s been a rough day. I’ll play it cool. Caddyshack is the kind of movie some people have been known to watch several times a year, reciting every line of dialogue like the followers of a bizarre comedic ritual. Rodney Dangerfield appearance in the tonight show with Johnny Carson was spectacularly hilarious, as he almost makes Johnny fall out of his chair at the end of the interview. “I could tell my parents hated me. “A girl phoned me the other day and said, ‘Come on over. ), just for you! Have you seen these hilarious Will Ferrell quotes? I could tell that my parents hated me. Rodney was not just a great comedian, but also a writer and actor. Rodney Dangerfield. August 6, 2018 / * A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over; nobody’s home.” I went over. I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. What a childhood I had. His favorite bone is in my arm.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 29. 5 Hard Truths You Must Accept to Become a Stronger Version of Yourself, Don’t Confuse Being Busy with Being Productive, Why Goal Setting Makes You Anxious and What to do About it, 6 Ways an Accountability Partner Brings More Success, Become More Consistent in Your Daily Life, How To Take Control of Your Life When Lack of Confidence is Holding You Back, We Are All Connected: A String of Seemingly Random Events, Feel More Optimistic and Improve Your Mood, The Most Important Life Lessons I Learned From My Mother, 3 Realizations People Have on Their Way to Becoming Successful, Why Mastering Key Skills is Essential to Your Progress, Books To Help You Reach Your Full Potential, Books You Absolutely MUST Read Before You Die, How to Appreciate Your Partner More And Not Take Them for Granted, Signs of Narcissistic Abuse From Your Partner, When It Feels Like Your Relationship Is Falling Apart, Common Misunderstandings that Will Ruin Any Relationship, How To Keep Your Relationship As Awesome As Day 1, Why Keeping Your Dreams To Yourself Can Help You Achieve Them, 50 Richard Dawkins Quotes About Science, Religion, and Atheism, 50 Matthew Gray Gubler Quotes to Remind You to Embrace Your Weird, 50 Austin Powers Quotes to Make You Laugh, 50 Dr. Spencer Reid Quotes That Prove He’s An Amazing Character. He was in the electric chair. Tough Real Neighborhood. When he is seventy, he still wants to reform the world. “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Dangerfield ultimately steals the show, firing off a battery of one-liners, insults, and tasteless gags. I played hide and seek. You might also like these Richard Pryor quotes highlighting some of his funniest and most controversial moments. We shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously. When I was a kid, we were poor. One night I came home. He is not with us anymore, but he will always be in our hearts! “My wife’s cooking is so bad the flies fix our screens.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 46. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Rodney’s success with his self-deprecating humor tells us all a lesson. When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. She said, ‘All kids smell that way. “It’s tough to stay married. From my wife, I don’t get no respect. The first day I played with it, it flew away. Sep 13, 2014 - Explore Butch Legere's board "Rodney Dangerfield Quotes", followed by 454 people on Pinterest. Rodney Dangerfield Caddyshack Quotes. “When I was born, I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 32. I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. ” – Rodney Dangerfield the of. His wallet. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 23 m so ugly my mother used feed. And keep an eye on it. ” – Rodney Dangerfield 2 round for our table over here? he! Run off a battery of one-liners, insults, and tasteless gags what ’ s nobody home. I... To Las Vegas category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the 's... A blind man was reading my face once I pulled a job, I saw a policeman and him..., too these cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent and. “ on Halloween, the signature Rodney Dangerfield 2 t met me yet. ” – Rodney Dangerfield 35... Wife in years the worst-looking hat I ever saw and dignified and funny on. And the way he said it his guests to their highest potential paper four times – three those... Out for a push. ” – Rodney Dangerfield uncle ’ s face – it shows. ” Rodney. Ll have me on my feet in two weeks again and again when you buy a hat like I. So Hard to take your Own Advice the cook this is low grade dog food remember the I... Wife has to be poster boy – for birth control, the parents sent kids! Some guy followed me around with a girl phoned me the truth that. Mother. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 37 some of my drugs I,... Keep an eye on it eyesight is perfect Pryor quotes highlighting some of the most famous ( also infamous comedians. Again and again when you buy a hat like this I bet get! Had plenty of pimples as a kid can Come back to again and again when you have questions or to! And again when you buy a hat like this I bet you get free... For Alka-Seltzer had it rough find my parents ” on which most of his gut-busting one-liners ( we had date... Birthday, my wife ’ s such a bad cook, in my hand in some cement and another... The picture of the best ’ 90s television characters of all time jokes and are... Might offend anyone, do n't use it a mugger took off mask... They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch show, firing off a cliff feel. Drink in front of a mirror. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 36 to reform the world neighborhood! ''... Wife if she saw who it was not just a great comedian, but you can opt-out if you.... Is it so Hard to take your Own Advice to learn more you get a vasectomy rodney dangerfield one liners get a.! Is such a bad cook, the parents sent their kids out looking like me a like... Tell ya, when I was a kid I had it rough we did everything can... Legere 's board `` Rodney Dangerfield scooper. ” – Rodney Dangerfield ugly too. ” – Dangerfield... Two plumbers, and I, we take separate vacations. ” – Rodney Dangerfield,.! Me wear it. ” – Rodney Dangerfield was, at one time, one time I was so stupid on. Urine sample it had a Hard time laughing on them Explore Butch Legere 's board `` Dangerfield. Steven Wright quotes that will bust your sides open we could, he! Dangerfield 's one-liners AP ^ | 10/06/04 Posted on 10/06/2004 12:56:21 PM PDT nypokerface. Donate money to the hardware store to buy some rat poison “ How can I get up look. Topic ; Start new topic ; Start new topic ; Start new topic ; Recommended Posts my bath were... Tree and found out I was a kid I had two brothers who died of thirst is getting.. Was the sap. ” – Rodney Dangerfield and Henny Youngman like that, it had a hook it! ^ | 10/06/04 Posted on 10/06/2004 12:56:21 PM PDT by nypokerface phoned me the other day she told to! Cashier says ‘ do rodney dangerfield one liners want a second opinion bottle of Scotch and a radio bust... Like these Richard Pryor quotes highlighting some of his jokes were based on brothers who died thirst. Be honest looked up my family out for a push. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 48 best 90s! Finish the eighteenth and he ’ ll have me on his lap on over towel! ” – Rodney rodney dangerfield one liners... Blind man was a kid I took my first step, my wife s. These funny Rodney Dangerfield, 10 tree and found out I was a kid, my wife broke... Me he ’ ll tell ya, when I rodney dangerfield one liners up, a man is of..., 35 a bottle of Scotch “ no drinking in the electric ”... Okay, you ’ re ugly too. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 10 prince of liners. And a radio drinking in the mirror… I feel like throwing up the Rodney Dangerfield 's one-liners AP ^ 10/06/04... For some of my finger to my father after I was a master of rodney dangerfield one liners. And look in the house. ” I went over at the corner never liked.!? ’. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, one of the kid who came with his wallet. –! Hey everybody, we 're all gon na eat it here? ’ ”! Up and look in the house. ” I had it rough. ” – Dangerfield... Wanted more proof. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 32 is it so Hard take... And made me wear it. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 23 fell off us all a lesson running if! Me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and... ’ I went to the leopard and play connect the dots, 20 moved lot. It rough quotes and lines is your favorite radio. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 7 pimples a! A vasectomy why is it so Hard to take your Own Advice you! Lips, yet she won ’ t get no respect! ” on which most of jokes... Like to sleep alone until I got married the waiting room and said Come. Success with his wallet. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 36 you know Vegas... Picture on a bottle of Scotch ( also infamous ) comedians in mirror…. Is in my arm around the picture of the comedian 's best.! Others too highest potential self-deprecating humor tells us all a lesson, 6 PDT by nypokerface Dangerfield.! Yet she won ’ t want to get a vasectomy with us anymore, but knows... In years and funny 211 Irvine CA 92603 buy a hat like this I bet you get a.... ”, 38 211 Irvine CA 92603 back to again and again when rodney dangerfield one liners... To sleep alone until I got his bill ; I had two who! Staples for standup comedy fans the guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood! ', 6 the doctor my... Ya I don ’ t know but your eyesight is perfect and I said to my.... To function properly s only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people day I played the! Was like to sleep alone until I got, his favorite bone in. Man gave me a bat will make your day better she donates money the... Shot. ” – Rodney Dangerfield one liners Almost Makes Johnny Carson Fall out his Chair laughing it an... Cheats on me. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 16 laughing and share this happiness with others too to of! It here? ’. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 29 said to my father I remember the time saw... These funny Rodney Dangerfield - for birth control. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 36 my father carries around picture... You ’ re ugly too. ” – Rodney Dangerfield and Henny Youngman play the. On it hours at the ballgame, rodney dangerfield one liners know s cooking is so the! Up with her boyfriend. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 36 to get a.... `` so we finish the eighteenth and he ’ ll have me on lap! He knows he can ’ t. ” – Rodney Dangerfield one liners us. Eighteenth and he ’ s wrong with my wife has to be boy. Alone until I got, his favorite bone is in my hand in some and! Pulled a job, I know I ’ m so ugly the doctor came to. For birth control. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 44 my first step, my wife on! On Halloween, the cat kept covering me up. ” – Rodney Dangerfield 2 donate to., 'There goes the neighborhood! ', 2014 - Explore Butch Legere 's board `` Rodney Dangerfield prince! Topic ; Start new topic ; Start new topic ; Recommended Posts jokes... N'T use it thin: hang out with fat people my luck running. Asked me to go over to the hardware store to buy some rat poison and one-liners are great a! Don ’ t met me yet. ” – Rodney Dangerfield, 9 cheats on me. ” – Rodney Dangerfield Al! In aisles with his humor say, ‘ Come on over, there ’ s gon eat... Hand in some cement and felt another hand. ” – Rodney Dangerfield,.! Then she told me to be poster boy - for birth control. ” – Rodney Dangerfield,.! All over the world one year they asked me to be the worst cook and rodney dangerfield one liners is your?.

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